Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Before you met your amazing husband, did you ever feel like you're always meeting the wrong guys and that "the one" doesn't really exist?

I'm not sure that I really do believe in the concept of "the one", even now. To me, it's the stuff that fairy tales are made of, and a life lived in reality is far more fulfilling than being lost in fiction.
I've loved each of my boyfriends passionately without limits, but we ended up outgrowing each other at some point, or learning that we were in love with the fantasy of each other's potential, or in love with the void-nullifying dependency that the companionship fulfilled, and so reached a point where we needed to move on, and apart.
It's taken years of learning unconditional self-love and acceptance to put me in a place where I don't feel that I need the love or approval of another to validate my being. This said, I didn't marry Jeff because I was swept away with the romantic notion that he "completes me", and I don't expect a "happily ever after". Jeff and I are a great fit because even without the romance, we care for and accept each other without conditions, and without limits, and give each other sanctuary without judgment to work through our own shit (emotionally, mentally, spiritually), and provide a healthy nurturing solidarity for each other through the rough spots as well as all the good to celebrate daily.
BUT FIRST...
I had to learn how to genuinely love and truly accept my authentic self without judgment, reprimand, or shame.
I know this is an incredibly long-winded response to a great question, and I want to share one last thing before I close this one out.
To best demonstrate my perspective on the perfect relationship, Jeff and I discarded the traditional wedding vows (which romantically promise eternal devotion) for the following which we wrote ourselves. It's a simple realistic statement
laced with core values that resonate strongly with us both:
"I give you this ring as a symbol of my unconditional love for you, with faith in our strength together, and the mindful commitment to an equal partnership founded in honesty, integrity, and respect."

Ask me anything

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